I can’t say for sure whether I would have fallen in love with my ex if he hadn’t been married at the time, but I do know that his status as taken gave him a unique allure. Unlike other people I’d dated, he wasn’t free—his time was constrained, how we could communicate was constrained, and the extent of how far our relationship, such as it were, could go, was clearly drawn. There was no grand future with him—at least, not the happily ever after, introducing him to my friends, building a life together kind of future.

Yet even though there were red flags waving all over the place, I was drawn to him. That was seven years ago, and in hindsight, I know the attraction was based on personal chemistry, whatever mysterious mix of compatibility and connection any two people can share. But the other part was the very thing that might have kept other women away: his marriage.

A new Modern Love column features a magical moment of cheating and toe-sucking that resonates