“But you’re brown and they’re so white,” my neighbor said to me, stressing words that didn’t need emphasis. This conversation had already gone on too long. First she thought I was the dog sitter, then she thought I was the baby sitter, now she wouldn’t believe I was their mother. We’ve shared backyards for over a year now, I wanted to scream. But my kids and I had been having a good day, one of our most successful since my husband went back to work. Rearing two under 2 had proven brutal, and I was determined not to let this woman ruin my magnanimous mood.

I try to handle people’s questions with poise. But I wonder: Why am I trying so hard to put THEM at ease?