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In New Campaign Strategy, Romney to Have Mouth Wired Shut Until November
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In what his campaign described today as a bold strategy to insure victory in the Presidential contest, Republican nominee Mitt Romney will undergo a procedure to have his mouth wired shut until Tuesday, November 6th: http://nyr.kr/OAXePf
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Foto: Brzezinski Scarborough Morning Joe pornification Vanity Fair
“When women accessorize men in this fashion, it diminishes women’s credibility while simultaneously bolstering men’s heterosexual virility and strength. It’s important to note that in addition to playing up the alleged sexual tension between Scarborough and Brzezinski, the Vanity Fair piece announces Scarborough’s potential presidential aspirations. Should he worry that a picture like this one might make him look less presidential? Sadly, no. U.S. presidentiality is so thoroughly masculinized, we’ve become accustomed to seeing our presidents surrounded by women playing supporting roles, whose presence complements men’s performances as Patriarch-in-Chief.”
-Karrin Anderson, “Mika Brzezinski’s erotic dance”
Foto: Dr. Pepper creationists DP evolution
Easily outraged creationists infuriated by Dr. Pepper’s “evolution” ad respond: “No more DP for me!!!”
Foto: Mitt Romney smirk Joan Walsh sociopath
“Sometimes it helps to laugh. But Romney’s smirk is disturbing. It betrays a preternatural sense of entitlement and self-satisfaction that comes out, often inappropriately, in all sorts of ways, from his odd remark that “I like to be able to fire people that provide services to me” to insulting the cookies supporters served him or the rain gear fans wore to a NASCAR event. It seems related to the calm self-importance with which he belittled British planning for the Olympics, insulting our closest ally. The smirk is a cousin to another odd Romney tic – his tendency to chuckle at the wrong time, like when he was trying to deny cutting the hair of a gay high school classmate. Who chuckles when they’re trying to project compassion?”
-Joan Walsh, “Romney’s haunting smirk”
